My name is Meredith, and I am a recovering perfectionist.
I’m telling you this because one of the 12 steps of recovery is admitting your problem. Number One, I think,… or maybe not. It also helps to explain why it has taken me so long (over a year, in fact, since registering my domain and getting hosting) to actually “reveal” (read: admit its existence to anyone) my site/blog. I just couldn’t get past the blocks created by wanting everything perfect…and the disappointment of not coming close. The site design, the copy, the photos, everything just wasn’t what I wanted it to be. It still isn’t, but that’s okay. I decided that “good enough is actually good enough.” (There is a new book called “Good Enough is the New Perfect.” I haven’t read it yet, but I have already made its title my new mantra for 2013.)
I just got so damn tired of not accomplishing my goal of helping as many women as I can to reach their biggest dreams because my site wasn’t perfect. (I know, makes no sense, right?) So I jumped into the blogosphere and published my first post last week. No, I didn’t create a lot of fanfare. In fact, I only shyly whispered about its existence to my mastermind sisters. And made the (so it seemed at the time) mistake of boldly not clicking “No” when weebly asked if I wanted to post it to my facebook page. Man, I regretted that a second later.
Hitting “Publish” felt a lot like roller-skating naked through a church parking lot after Mass. It seemed so personal, so revealing, so wrong! But gradually, I felt better. The day after posting it, it seemed that one of my friends on facebook had noticed the post and shared a link. It even sparked a dialogue among her friends. There was a tiny bit of controversy about what I had written. And – to my great surprise – I didn’t feel shattered and torn apart. I didn’t cry (and I am a big crybaby, just catch me watching “Downton Abbey.” Heck, I even cried watching “Freaky Friday.” The one with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsey Lohan, for God’s sake. I can’t even believe I watched that movie, let alone cried during it.) I felt happy; my post got people -granted, only a few- talking, thinking, questioning.
But back to the topic at hand: perfectionism. What I have realized is that perfectionism is really just a way that our monkey mind (that obnoxious, but oh-so-powerful voice in our heads that tries to disguise itself as our inner wisdom) controls us and keeps us playing small. And the closer you get to your dreams, the louder and more brutal monkey mind gets. Now, I am an expert at battling monkey mind, but even I sometimes fall victim to his trickery and evil ways; however, I have made the vow this year that no way, no how, is monkey mind going to play his tricks on me anymore. That means no more perfectionism. Let’s face it, if I can let my housekeeping slack to the degree that I do, I am really not meant to be a perfectionist.
So, let me officially welcome you to my site. If you are ready to take control of your life and start reaching for your big dreams, I ask you to join me in the Perfectionists Anonymous Group, forming here and now!
One more teeny, tiny little thing: this site is only temporary. I have already begun work on my new, bigger & better (but not PERFECT) site, which should be ready in another month or two. Or whenever. But for now, this is my cyber home: it isn’t perfect, but it is “comfortable.” Visit whenever you want. You don’t even have to call first, but don’t be surprised if you find dirty laundry on the floor, dishes in the sink, and dog hair everywhere.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/deeplifequotes/8685763815/”>deeplifequotes</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>